When it all comes crashing down

When you feel hopeless, you get a knot in your stomache, and you think your gonna throw up and die.
What is it like when you have friends but, not a true one? I would know that and the feeling is horrible.the only kinda true friend is, One that loves everything about you, one you can trust no matter what, one you can cry on their shoulder, one you know who would do anything for you. I used to have that years ago and it hurts without one. I have many friends but, they aren't ones who would do any of those things for me. Well they would some of them, but, they aren't "true" friends. I guess they are close but, it's not enough. I feel alone in a world that when things get hard, it's just me.
        Today for example I have a friend and she is fun to be around but, she's more of what you would call "popular." She hates it when I say that word though. She won't even be seen with me around her "popular" friends. She isn't one of my closer friends but, I have to spend alot of time with her in my core classes.
        Today she got mad at me for what reason I don't know why, and she said she was gonna tell people my secrets. Not like I tell her anything that important though. I'm sure she told people them though because, they were all eager to hear. *eye roll*  Then 20minutes later she tried to act like my friend again, and I just kinda cocked an eyebrow at her for like 2seconds, shrugged, and walked to my next class. It hurts and she thinks I'll forgive her all the time, and it's not fair to me.
       
       Next class was even more hell. (If there is such thing?) I don't think people understand. The only person who can really tell when something is wrong is my old best friend from years ago. I don't know how, but I'm not sure if it bothers me or not. The question I ask myself the most is if I died who would miss me the most? If anybody, who? Then I think, it does matter. I think about all my goals that I'm gonna accomplish! It's just something I gotta do! If I don't accomplish my goals for life, then there is no point to life!